When we were talking the other day we started to think about our heroes when we were young. After we had discussed the usual film star and sports stars that we idolised I remembered Derek. Derek was a couple of years ahead of me in school and he had everything; he always got straight ‘A’s’ and was formidable on the football field as well as one of the fastest over 100 metres. What’s more he didn’t appear to work at it. When the rest of us were ‘slaving’ away at our homework or sweating buckets trying to impress on the football field or athletics track he just turned up and got on with it. A natural, was how one of our teachers described him.

Natural or hero, Derek caused me and others a lot of pain. His skills and our hero worship caused us to begin the ‘beating yourself up’ process. You know the; ‘I’m not good enough’. ‘If only I could do that’.’ I couldn’t possibly do that’. The self defeating traits of inadequacy, insecurity and worthlessness and constant comparison with others all started here. With Derek, we started the comparison programme.

Comparison is just another name for subservience. When you compare yourself to someone you are really accepting that you are impressed by them, you want them to influence your life and are willingly bowing down to their perceived skills and abilities. The problem with subservience is that you can never be free. It takes away all your happiness and power. You end up confused and wilting like a flower.

The fact is comparing yourself with others not only stops you from being successful, it’s destructive. As, Elizabeth Fisher an American author, stated;

‘comparison is a death knell to sibling harmony’.

Suggesting that the minute you compare yourself with anybody the relationship is always going to be powerless. Because you are now in a subservient relationship.

The truth is that only prices, products and stores can be compared. Not people. You can compare key data any product, price or service. So when you compare yourself with others are you a product, price or service?

Remember those essays from school and university where you were always asked to compare and contrast something with the aim of showing the similarities and differences of an argument etc. But how do you do this with people? What is being compared or contrasted? How are people similar? Height, weight, age, the clothes they wear, walk, where they live, the cars they drive, their salary, their achievements, their views ?

Do you compare yourself with others?

Who do

What are the attributes you compare?

Are you comparing like with like?

You can compare males and females and they way they perform tasks, parents against children, different age groups. You can compare how your opinions are similar or different. But the best you can get is that you are mostly similar or mostly different. What about jealousy? How do you measure that?

You can compare products with different versions. But people? How do you compare yourself with your parents or grandparents? You could be like Shakespeare and compare yourself against nature i.e. beauty with day and night. But not compare one person against another.

Comparing yourself with others is like putting yourself in a prison. A prison which can only bring pain. A prison that stops you from experiencing your true talents. No one puts you in this prison, you do it all by yourself. You simply learn, as I did, not to accept yourself and reject who you really are in favour for what you perceive another person has. In other words you give yourself a hard time and delay your own growth because you thought the other person was better than you.

Trust yourself, you have all the skills you need to succeed. All you need is a change of process.

Stop judging yourself. Instead of comparing yourself with others, subverting your own power and constantly under performing; focus on your potential. What you want to be.

Meditate on where you want to be.

Imagine yourself achieving your potential. What does it look like, what does it feel like.

Surround yourself with images and artefacts depicting the future you and gradually, you will become what you always wanted to be.

The more you believe in your capabilities the more your behaviour will change. Access the hidden skills you have. Trust in yourself. You have far more skills and abilities than you are using at present.

If you have heroes then beware you could be taking away your skills, your individualism and making yourself subservient for the rest of your life. In which case who needs heroes?

Graham and Julie

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Graham and Julie

To see more of our work please go to:

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graham@desktop-meditation.com